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Learning Challenge: Empathy
I read the article, " 10 Reasons to Stop Judging People " and I think everyone needs to read this piece. It's such good remind...
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Hello everyone! My name is Peyton Mackay and I'm a junior advertising major and a communication minor here at OU! I'm originally fro...
Peyton,
ReplyDeleteI saw this storybook listed on the Project page and I absolutely had to check it out. I considered doing my storybook based on a banshee story, but I ended up choosing something else. I am thrilled to see someone else is focusing on Ireland!
I like your website setup, very spooky. However, your header image is a bit pixelated and almost distracts from the feel a bit. Maybe finding an image with a higher resolution would help?
I thought your introduction was interesting, but it left me wanting more details. What was Sean doing at his mate’s house? What was it that terrified him? How did he not feel terrorized if a creature had paralyzed him? How did he not sprint home, ready to be back to safety? I think these could be details to explore that will bring more life to the intro.
All that being said, I am really looking forward to reading these stories! This will definitely be a Storybook that I make a point to keep track of.
Peyton,
ReplyDeletePeyton,
I look forward to reading your storybook about Ireland! Ireland is somewhere I've always wanted to visit, so I hope to see some Irish culture in there. On your homepage, it could be fun to instead use a picture of a map of Ireland as the header image. This way, it prefaces the setting itself. Additionally on the homepage, you could add a little blurb about Ireland - maybe it's year of origin, national colors, etc. Random fun facts that could be a mini history lesson! Moving forward, I look forward to seeing your next stories. It could be fun to include a transition sentence at the end of your introduction to preface the next story, so readers have an easy flow throughout your website. On the intro, it could be beneficial to clarify what terrified Sean, and why. Maybe he had a childhood trauma that reignited? Can’t wait to read more!
Hey Peyton, I got a very eerie feeling from your website, which is what you were going for I bet! I liked the header because I think it helped add to the overall scary theme of your site. I would look into changing one of the headers so your home page header and introduction header are different, but definitely still keep the scary feeling to the website. I just recently figured out how to do this as well! Also I liked your introduction because it gave me an insight into what you are going to focus on for the rest of your story book. I do have some questions about the stories though. Will they all be about Sean? Or will different character star in your stories? I guess that may be something you are going to decide as you go. Overall, really great job. I am very excited to keep up with the development of your site and your stories.
ReplyDeleteHi Peyton,
ReplyDeleteI was instantly drawn to your storybook by your title. Its actually funny because I was so close to picking Irish Ghost Stories for my project, too. I went to Dublin a few years ago and I fell in love with it, and I also love ghost stories. So I really look forward to reading your storybook!
The creepy picture of Dublin at the bottom of your page really sets the mood for your storybook - I think the images are really important because they can have a substantial impact on the readers. I really like how you incorporate history stories into your personal stories, by making them a part of the hauntings in Dublin. Dublin has so much history in the city, and I learned about some of it while I was there so it will be really interesting to hear about all of your ghost stories.
The set-up for your storybook looks great so far. Good job!
Peyton,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your storybook so far! The banner was really aesthetically pleasing and fit what I picture in my head when I think of Ireland. I actually have been to Ireland am super in love with the country so I was instantly drawn to your storybook.
Your introduction grabbed my attention right away. I liked that your sentences and word usage was short and to the point when describing what was happening. Was your introduction inspired by a specific text you've previously read? Or was it your own work? Either way I really enjoyed it and I am looking forward to reading more!
Hello Peyton! Wow, your introduction really left me excited to read the rest. I love stories about Ireland. I have actually been to Dublin! I know there are a lot of stories you could potentially go with, so I am eager to see what you decide to tell stories about. With that being said, I feel like this introduction could have been denser or longer. I'm not 100% sure on how Sean is related to the upcoming stories. Maybe he is irrelevant, which is fine, but I want to have bit more information on who Sean is or who this figure is. Ultimately, I can see that this is going to be a very nice storybook that will hold my attention.
ReplyDeleteAs far as the actual vocab and grammar goes, the story is super easy to read. This is great because sometimes, the stories may be confusing. You are great at making it easy to follow.
And finally, I like the images you are using for your website! THey really give off an Irish feel, and go along with the story. The image of a dark street is perfect.
Good luck on this story! I can't wait to read the next installment.
Hi Peyton! The set up of your website is good and I like your header images. They fit well with their intended pages and plots. I think that your intro could frame the narrative a bit better. I think that this idea seem interesting, but I'm still unclear on the premise of the storybook. Will it be about this one characters interactions with he ghosts of Ireland? How does this intro let us into the world of the character? And you use common British/ Irish slang in your introduction. Will that be continuing throughout the storybook? How are you going to have sure the voice and sang are authentic. Sorry if this is a lot of question, but I think that they are worth thinking about. And personally, the description of his fear didn't really connect. I didn't understand how he could he paralyzed by fear but not terrified because those things seem to go together.
ReplyDeleteHello Peyton, I liked the images you have started with on your website, the traditional Irish forest setting and the streets of Dublin were good starts. I grew up hearing many of the Irish Folk Stories from my Grandmother, and am wondering if you are going to modernize or eliminate the language and accents, or do you plan on keeping them in your story, in my opinion they add a real touch to the writing, and make me read the stories in the original way I heard them. As several commenters have pointed out, I do question the line about being paralyzed by fear, but not terrorized. Maybe a rephrasing into something about being held in the figures grip, unable to move, with a hint of trepidation, but without terror. Obviously dressing this up to fit with the flow of your story, but to better convey the mental state you are conveying in this sentence.
ReplyDeleteThe revisions you did on your introduction really helped! I feel as if I have a better understanding of who Sean is now and how the shadow or figure is relevant to the story. Your explanation of the fear he felt has also improved. In your second installment, I appreciated how you took this story of this castle and inserted a relevant character such as sean. While he isn't necessarily a part of the history, we get to see how the townspeople feel about this so-called haunted castle in their town. It is a more personal telling of ghosts and such. It seems perfectly believable that stupid teenagers would try to scare each other and force them to go to scary places. It reminds me of how kids in older movies would purposely hang out in train yards, causing trouble and getting in trouble. Plus, now I have even more info on Sean! Overall, this was a great additional story!
ReplyDeleteHi Peyton!
ReplyDeleteI loved your introduction and beginning to your storybook. I am actually in the Indian Epics class but since we had freedom to check out other stories this week, I thought it would be interesting to see how this side of the classes are going. I am so glad that I did because I really enjoyed your stories and cannot wait to follow along as it progresses. I loved the setting and that you included a picture of the castle. I have never been to Ireland, but a haunted castle is such an interesting basis for a storybook. You did a great job really drawing me into the story and creating a scene within the castle and Ireland. Also, in your author’s note I saw that your plan is to have parts of the story work on their own and then tie together in the end, and some of my favorite stories are told that way so I am excited for you to try that story telling method!
Hi Peyton! You might consider putting the link to your comment wall hyperlinked in the actual statement for conciseness! I like the image you picked for your banner, right away I got a cool and kind of eerie feeling from the storybook.
ReplyDelete-One thing that was confusing about your introduction is you say Sean didn't feel terrorized or a horror- just frozen with fear and scared. Those are all very similar words and you might clarify a little more.
I liked your first story, I thought it was eerie and scary, just make sure that you can tie it into the rest of the stories. Maybe you can do a flashback in the introduction to that scary event in Sean's past? Maybe that is why Sean was particularly terrified when the ghost came up to him in the street? All in all I like your storybook and cannot wait to see more of the Irish spin on it.
Peyton,
ReplyDeleteWhat a gorgeous graphic on the top of your blog. I perfectly imagine some elves escorting someone along that path to the next world. On the Homepage, I’d see if you can use the caption feature to cut down on the amount of dead space between the pictures and their information. I know that can be a bit difficult with the banner, but it might help with the photo of Dublin.
With regard to the Introduction, I would try breaking it up in to some smaller paragraphs to help guide the reader long. Especially for these kinds of short stories, I don’t think we need to follow conventional paragraph structures that say we need 8-10 sentences per. Also, I would try to vary your sentence structure a bit. Almost all of your sentences start with a noun (He, Sean, The figure, etc). Switching that up might result in a piece of writing that flows a little more from idea to idea. That being said I love the cliffhanger at the end and the general idea that you set up!
On the second story, I appreciate the attention to detail with the specific name of the town and historical context, which is important to the story. I also think that the Author’s Note helps the reader kind of get where you’re coming from… without a note in the Introduction, I’m a little confused about where you’re coming from. The title provides some kind of assistance there, but I’d strong recommend explaining directly to the reader why myths your general storyline is pulling from.
Hope you find this helpful and instructive!
Hey Peyton!
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, I love the idea of your storybook and its background of Ireland. This is a very unique idea and I like that you are including some true history in it. Since my storybook is also about international places, is there a specific reason why you chose Ireland?
As your your introduction, I liked that you introduced the idea of what your storybook would be about and the weird shadow thing that Sean encounters. I also liked the images that you included in the banner, they really add to the feel of Ireland.
On the first story you included, I like that you included the history of Malahide. I feel this will add to your storybook as a whole. It will give your readers the chance to understand the historical context of Malahide. Your reader's note was also helped in explaining why you included the more historical aspect of Malahide verses a true story. I look forward to reading other stories of your storybook! Keep up the good work.
Peyton,
ReplyDeleteAfter reading your introduction a few weeks ago, I was really excited for your first story, and it did not disappoint! First off, your banner image looks really great and really sets the mood for the story you are about to tell about Sean. You did a very good job at describing the introduction to the story and the history behind the caste. I also really liked that you set it in modern times with a group of kids daring each other to explore the castle. It added a sense of light heeartness to counteract with the creepy ghost stories that was really nice. Your author's note was also very well written and did a nice job of explaining your inspiration. I'm looking forward to the next story!
Hey Peyton!
ReplyDeleteWow your story really gave me the creeps! The introduction really pulled me in and made me wanting more and more! The first story really delivered on that aspect and has gotten me excited to find out what Sean encounters next! The setting was modern and very relatable. The contrast with the old historic castle and modern setting was well drawn and added to its spookiness. The Author's Note did a good job of explaining the background and inspiration for the story. I like how you took a simple story and gave it a meaningful and relatable background. Will the setting of Malahide come back inn future stories? I know Sean doesn't ever want to step foot in the castle again but it does seem like an interesting move to bring his character back here. Lastly, I really enjoyed the images you chose for the introduction and first story. The image for the story really set the mood and gave me hints as to what the story was about without giving it all away. Awesome job and I look forward to reading more stories!
Hi, Peyton!
ReplyDeleteI love how much history you have interwoven into your Storybook; it's a nice touch that I'm sure required extra work and time! I appreciate the opportunity to learn about Ireland's history along with their folklore as I read your material. Your Introduction drew me into the story, and I appreciated that you foreshadowed how Sean's roommates would treat him when he shared what happened. Unsupportive friends seem to be a common theme that you are building in Tales of Ireland, and I am eager to see how that continues to develop over the next few weeks. Can we expect a ghost to visit one of Sean's friends? Perhaps that would be fair comeuppance for their poor treatment of Sean over the years...
I am excited to learn how your story will continue to grow over the coming weeks!
Hey Peyton! First of all, great job! I had not visited your storybook in awhile and it is really starting to come along. I enjoyed reading your stories and how in depth they are. I am going to focus my commenting specifically on the story of Sean in Malahide because it is one that I found to be very interesting.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed how you started this story off with a detailed introduction of the city of Malahide and some of the history behind the town. This was enough information for me to become interested in what was going to happen next. Also, I think you did a great job of being descriptive and using imagery throughout the entire story. I was imagining exactly what was going on as I was reading the story. Overall, really great job. I am looking forward to reading more of your stories! I always love a ghost story to scare me a little bit.
Hello again Peyton, seeing as I already have commented on your project once I will plan on keeping my comments focused on your revisions/new work. First, it was a good choice to give the reader a deeper look into Sean's backstory, so even those of us not in Myth-Folklore understand the setting. I also liked your description of the town in that setting, and would suggest that in a revision you change the start of each sentence from "the town" in order to add some variety and help keep your reader hooked into the description. In your second story, The Ghost on St. Patrick's day, you give names to all the characters who influence the story, and was wondering if that would be something you would consider adding to the first story, in order to add a more personal touch. Overall, your stories were very well written, and provide a new way of looking at the original source material, and I look forward to seeing more from you.
ReplyDeleteHi Peyton! I'm from the Indian Epics class and I just read your Introduction. It was very interesting. I noticed there was a few run-on sentences though, specifically in your second paragraph.
ReplyDeleteYou wrote, "Sean feared for his life but not because he thought the figure was going to hurt him but because he didn't know what the figure wanted from him, what was going to happen to him."
I think that can easily be fixed. Maybe you can say something like:
"Sean feared for his life but not because he thought the figure was going to hurt him. He feared for his live because he didn't know what the figure wanted from him. What was going to happen to him?"
I'm wondering what would happen if Sean talks to the shadow. Maybe you can add some dialogue into your story? I also noticed there wasn't an author's note, so I'm not really sure what this story is about or based off of. Your story was so interesting that I decided to continue reading and read "Sean".
I saw that in "Sean" the very last sentence of your first paragraph. If your wanting to make it short and sweet I think you could do something like:
" Sean always admired the castle from afar but never approached it."
Then in your first sentence of the second paragraph, you can probably do something like:
"Malahide Castle also has a some supernatural history."
There was also a run-on sentence in that paragraph.
I noticed you didn't added any dialogue. Third person is good, but I feel like some dialogue helps the reader understand what's going on. I like how you added a lot of description into your story though. That's definitely something I have trouble with over in my stories. Keep up the good work!
Hey Peyton, I am from the Indian Epics class and I really enjoyed reading your blog. Like most Americans, there is a wee bit o' Irish in me, and even if there weren't I drink enough Guinness to be considered at least a quarter Irish. I read through all of your stories and really enjoyed them and I feel the need to go back and read the stories that you used for inspiration, like the sources you used for your background post on Sean, because I have never read any of those stories. I like the spooky and eerie vibes that your stories give off.
ReplyDeleteHey Peyton! I really enjoyed your introduction and stories. This was my free choice to pick whatever storybook or portfolio and I picked yours because I am over 50% Irish and was curious about the Irish afterlife. I really like how your character’s name is Sean. That is a very Irish name and the oldest pub in Ireland is called Sean’s pub. I really liked how you gave us background about Sean in the first story and how you used actually places in Ireland for your story. I think that was really cool. I loved Ireland when I visited and think that your descriptions were great. I really like the banners that you used for both stories. They really made the stories better by giving you a visual for what Sean is going through. Overall, I truly enjoyed both of your stories and introduction. I look forward to reading your next story.
ReplyDeleteYour title definitely intrigued me when I saw it. I want to start by saying I love the images you used in your story book. The picture in the banner is really beautiful and immediately caught my attention when I went to your page. The banner images are really cool and the storybook images on the pages are too. Would you maybe consider moving the images closer to the top of the page? This way readers can associate what they are reading with the images rather than seeing the image at the end of the story page. I think you used really beautiful graphics, so make them big and show them off! : Your storybook project's homepage makes me excited to start reading. Great job with that.
ReplyDeleteYour storybook has some really creative pieces, but "The Ghost on St. Patrick's Day" is personally my favorite story. Your story is super interesting and very fun to read. Awesome job on your stories!
Hey Peyton, I am actually in the Indian Epics class this semester so I was not familiar with your original stories you based your project on. However, I like the creepy feeling the reader gets when reading the Introducation and learning about the shadow that scares Sean. I also read the first story about the “White Lady”. I enjoyed getting to know more about Sean’s life when he is younger and it made me wonder if he has a connection with spirits because of his childhood. I wanted to read a little from the original story on the “White Lady” but the link to the site would not work. It seems similar to the Harry Potter ghost and I was curious if there might be similarities in the original story to the “grey lady”, one of the ghost in the Harry Potter books. Great stories and project, good luck with the rest of your semester!
ReplyDeleteHi Peyton,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed this story! I loved the spooky, eerie feel as I was reading. You did a great job tying everything together, and incorporating the original story with your past stories! I also loved the images and layout of your project. The creativity behind your work really shines, and I am excited to read more! I, too, had a little trouble with the site link when I tried to learn more about the original story. Checking to make sure all aspects of the assignments are working properly might be beneficial. Overall great work!
Hey Peyton, I have not visited your story book in awhile and decided to use it as my free choice this week. I am very impressed by the progress that your website has taken over the last couple of weeks. I was also very intrigued by your new stories. I feel like they are really great additions in adding to the overall spooky theme of the site. I think that the detail in your stories help to give the reader a sense of what it was like to be standing next to the main character Sean. Overall, really great job. I think you did a really great job at pulling of the ghosty vibe which can be really hard to do especially without videos and music. I also think that your author's note do a great job of explaining the original story as well as give insight of the origin of the original story and how it came to be. I am looking forward to reading more of your stories!
ReplyDelete